Hello lovely beings! It’s been a while! In the last post, I was still at home, with my babies on mat leave and it was summer (OH, glorious Summer, waiting for YOU!). Since then, a lot has happened, not so much externally, but hell ya, internally. I won’t go into everything, but one thing has been present as of late: THE JOB. After going back to work, I felt a bit of enthusiasm for the job. It was a new team (same job), new daily routines and it gave me a different sense of purpose (not to mention a decent paycheck again – yippee!) But after about 3 months, the heaviness set in reminding me of how much I disliked what I was doing, mainly administrative work and working with emotionally draining individuals. Sure, the pay was great and benefits were awesome but this wasn’t a motivator anymore. But my 11 months caring for my family at home was my purpose and fulfillment. So because I need to work, I said I’d stick it out until I was there for 6 months (before that, had to pay my mat-leave top up back) and then figure it out.
Fast forward to 6 months and I’m struggling. Struggling with work and the 2.5 hour commute each day. I feel like I’ve gone through a deep upheaval of my being in the last 6 months and am such a different person than when I left. I feel much more in alignment with who I am and this is forcing me to look at this job and really be honest in knowing this isn’t sustainable. Being this miserable and depleted of energy is NOT sustainable. I NEED and crave to be around people and their stories. I want to be a part of the “being” and to help co-create people’s visions for themselves and their families. I want and need to be around MY family more!
A few days ago, I realized that I was being quite negative about this whole situation which is really not who I am nor want to be. I decided that while I’m still in my current role and looking for other opportunities, I will focus on what I love to do and stop being so f’in negative. So, I’m writing this post, listening to courses on Lynda.com on entrepreneurship, taking on more UBC coaching clients than ever and throwing myself into the things that give me energy. Mainly staying away from those events and people that take my energy.
Since this shift, I realized that it’s OK to go through these stages, we don’t get everything right the first time and there will be times that we wish were easier or better. I’ve allowed myself some “pity me” time but that’s enough. I’m done and now is time to focus my attention elsewhere. I’m here to remind you to focus on the positive, as much as you can and say YES. Say yes to things and people that scare you. This will draw you out of your comfort zone and increase the size of your world. Or not, my 2 cents.
Much love to you all xo