Hey! Been a while. Not sure what to write only that I am compelled to do so..It’s been so long since I’ve typed, my fingers aren’t sure what keys to push to make these words. So where am I? I think the question is, where was I at? For too long, in a desolate place that saw no light. A single mom with shit pay that did what she had to do. At the beginning, bussing 1.5 hours each way to work, drop my daughter off at daycare and go to work, then leave work and do it all over again. I fought hard.. against myself. What was I doing wrong? Too many friendships and boyfriends gone wrong. Then something shifted. Could have been the energy work, could have been my conscious change to shift. Hours of meditation and inner work (key is inner work) brought me here….a place I love. After hours spent on self reflection and trying to be better, I realize, I’m still learning and have yet to learn but I’m much more happy.
At some point, unknowingly, I settled within and I started to love me. Toxic friends fell away, as well as situations. Just as natural as the sunset. Those beautiful colors that I once loved fell beyond the horizon to make way for something better, a new day. I can always choose to go back to those sunsets, but that was the end of a day and I’d rather look towards a new dawning. Of, course, this is imagery, and I’d never tell you I’d never want to see a sunset but it is how I was feeling. Clinging on to something I saw as so beautiful, never to see again.
I now sit writing this, with my daughter, who was mentioned above, sleeping soundly in her new bedroom. My partner/husband and 8 month old daughter also sleep upstairs in a house we purchased last May. WOW. After years of ass clowns and the wrong relationship (another post) Why? Listened to self, listened to angels and their messages and gave in to the process. We found each other and he’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. He gives me strength and encouragement to continue on my journey of self discovery AND continues to. I’m a better person because of knowing him.
Where do you go if you are stuck? Everything flows, listen to it. Reach out to me, or a dear friend. Get things moving. And if nothing else, listen to the little voice inside that is nudging you. Nudging you to do something different. The one small thing…go a different route on way to your favorite coffee shop or help someone in need, buy a colorful piece of clothing. Intuition is key.
So often we place our power in other people or other things. You don’t need to be someone else, you just need to grow into you. I could go on forever but….
With immense love, Jenna